just for laughs... :p
***(change yur encodin to UTF-8 to be able to view the chinese jokes clearly)***
院子外的树上有几只猴子在偷看男人洗澡，一只
猴子大笑着掉在地上，其它的猴子问它笑什么，它说：“
人类真是奇怪的动物，《尾巴那么短还放在前面》”
Employer to applicant: In this job we need someone who is responsible.
Applicant: I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went
wrong, they said I was responsible.
Judge to defendant: Aren't you ashamed, coming here for the third time?
Defendant: Well, you come every day.
Escaped Convict
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.
After tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex don't resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!
Did you hear about the blonde that...
Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"
Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.
When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".
Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.
After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.
Why are people so scared of mice, but love Mickey Mouse?
Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?
If marriage means you fell in love, does divorce mean you climbed out?
If shampoo comes in so many colours, why is the lather on your head always white?
On a hamburger bun, why is the top half of the bun always bigger than the bottom one?
How can sweet and sour sauce be sweet and sour at the same time?
If a rabbit's foot is a lucky charm that some people carry with them, what happened to the footless rabbit?
Why do we say 'bye bye' but not 'hi hi'?
What is a male ladybug called?
If Dracula has no reflection, how comes he always has such a straight parting in his hair?
Why is it called pineapple, when there is neither pine nor apple in it?
Why is it called eggplant when there's no egg in it?
Why is a blackboard green?
Why is it good to be a daddy's girl, but bad to be a mummy's boy?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
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